This week the ADOFitness trainers will be addressing three insecurities that they’ve dealt with whether it be physical or experiences that they faced. Coach Joey shares her story.
I have spoken before about being my mothers legal guardian since I was 21. Now this might seem like an odd insecurity. But my insecurity is I am constantly feeling I am not “good enough” to be her legal guardian. What i mean by this is I have no control over her happiness and to get her to snap out of wanting to commit suicide or hating herself. This has been an ongoing issue for years. Mental health is a tremendous challenge in the health care field. It isn’t taken seriously and almost frowned upon in society. Along with not being able to control the situation that always gives me some form of anxiety it scares me to think that this mental condition is in my genes and I could one day become depressed, suicidal and/or bipolar. I know this is a heavy subject, but this is the truth and how I feel daily. I am reminded from loved ones that this is not my fault and I know that but its still very hard when you have someone that just won’t “snap out of it”. I have gotten better over the years with talking openly about this and making sure that others that are in my situation know that they are not alone. The more I open up about it I find that it is actually very common and I’m not alone either.
Another insecurity that I have is with school. This might sound silly but its something that does bother me. I worry all of the time that I won’t be good enough to pass a test or graduate next year. I know many people have these doubts as well. I know it is normal but it does seriously scare me. I am in my 3rd year to complete my MSN to obtain my Family Nurse Practitioner degree and let me tell you graduate school is NO joke! Anyone that has or is currently in a masters program knows exactly what I mean by this. Their are plenty of times I just want to throw the towel in and say “Screw this, I don’t want to study.” or “Do I really care about passing that next exam?” Well obviously I do care or it wouldn’t be something that worries me. Being in graduate school, working full time, going to clinical and having a social life ( which doesn’t really happen when you’re in school) is not easy and it can really wear on you. When my boyfriend, friends and or family want to do something I have to decline quite often because I can’t miss reading or doing a paper. I am lucky majority of people in my life understand but that doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. Also I keep reminding myself that it’s almost over. If I have gone this long I can do another 6 months.
Lastly my third insecurity would have to be my body image. Again, anyone that has competed knows what I mean by this. You feel like you constantly have to withhold that stage leanness year round and look the best you possibly can. This is a lifestyle for me, so yes it does come easier for me then someone just starting to change their lifestyle. But that does not mean it isn’t hard to deal with. I would say the hardest thing is when you’re at the gym or out wherever and people will comment “Oh you are on your offseason.” You look like you have put some weight back on..” So first of all, who likes to be told that they have put some weight on?? No one! Trust me I know that I’m not fat and I know that I actually am in the best shape currently especially with my reverse diet BUT it still is not something you want to hear. Along with that, I have a job that I feel I need to stay in good shape for. I want my clients to look up to me and be motivated by me. I want to look my best for them as well, not just myself. I also want my boss Amber to think I am “fitting” the role of my job and be proud of me as one of her employee.
I know everyone deals with insecurities and whatever they may be know that you aren’t alone and that we all have them. I don’t care who you are or how much money you make everyone has issues that bother them. Know that it is OK to have them and in the long run it will only make you stronger!!