STRUGGLES AND MY PERSONAL LIFE

STRUGGLES.
We all struggle. We all have our own personal issues, family issues, life issues. In the large scale of things I know my struggles are nothing compared to some and often times find myself feeling guilty for not being able to see how many blessings I have all around me. A wonderful life I have, I truthfully should be very grateful. And I try to remind myself of that daily. To see the big picture in this superficial industry I often times feel stuck in.

So whats my deal? Why am I struggling?
Some of you can probably read through that first paragraph and here resentment in my tone. Its not something I try to hide although I do try to put as much positivity as I can out there each day. But am I resentful in my everyday life? A little bit, yes. You see this industry looks so glamorous from the outside. “You have a perfect body, perfect husband, perfect life.. what do you have to complain about?” right? But that’s just it. To achieve what we have, my husband and I, we have hidden many of our struggles to get to where we are at. Damaged our bodies, damaged our metabolisms, over dieted, over extended ourselves, put ourselves out there to be scrutinized, and most importantly risked the very thing that is so important to us both- having children.

Brandan and I both want kids. We knew as soon as we met and have had many conversations regarding having kids after we were married. As many of you know, we work closely with a hormone doctor and we both had our hormones tested last December when I first moved to Sioux Falls. We are both a mess in terms of balanced in hormones and where we will need to be in order to have children. Unfortunately the only way of getting our bodies back to balance is through increasing our body fat, allowing ourselves more rest and recovery and introducing some hormone therapy to help jump start our systems in that direction. None of which can be done efficiently when one is dieting and/or restricting for events every few months.

I have accepted that this is my/our careers and this is what we do for a living now. But I cant help but often times feel resentment when I feel I have another purpose to live for rather than how lean I can get to look good in a photo or at an event. Its funny, I have been called narcissistic, conceded, etc on a few of my blog posts. But what some people fail to recognize is that more than anything in the world I want what everyone wants- a family, a “normal” life, a life not full of selfies, abs, weighing myself each day, stress over what I look like, etc.

About a month ago I found out I would most likely have to diet for the Olympia, as I am signing with a new supplement company and will need to do another photoshoot. I have noticed as time goes on, dieting seems to get harder for me. Not harder in terms of wanting to eat things that are off plan necessarily, but harder due to the underlying thoughts I have about what it is doing to my body long term and how it may affect my future and desire for a family. These are the things people in my position don’t openly speak about. Its not all glamour and fun- trust me. I have realized I feel I have purpose other than dieting now, I have a husband and something to live for outside of what I look like. Its a dream come true although it also causes a lot of torment. I will elaborate further here in a bit…
So along with that, some of you know I had my eyebrows tattoo’d last weekend. I knew I would get a lot of criticism openly talking about that but I decided to post it on my Instagram anyways. Kind of superficial after everything I said above huh? But if I am going to be real with you all and pride myself on that, then I need to be honest and share these things too, as getting your face tattooed is kind of a big deal in my opinion. I explained on Instagram the reason I did this. To save myself from writing that out again I am going to paste what I wrote on Instagram here:

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“So today I had my face tattooed on. It’s funny cause people always comment on my “eyebrow game” but don’t realize I was blond for the first 19 years of my life. That being said I have tried to perfect the shape of my eyebrows for years so yes I have natural hair that provides the way my eyebrows are shaped. Unfortunately though, they’re naturally lighter than my hair is and it bothers me, so I fill them a little darker to match my hair shade a bit better. Anyways, I had heard about eyebrow hair stroke tattooing from a friend who had it done and really wanted to do it but had to find someone I trusted enough to tattoo on my face because every girl should know your eyebrow game is seriously one of the most important things in life (joking…kinda lol). I am super happy to say my hormone doctor in Lincoln, NE recommended someone to me who did them perfect today and I am thrilled with the results. So my first tattoo happen to be my face (sorry mom and dad)….”

The tattoo itself I do not regret at all. I posted an after photo as requested and I am very pleased with the results and do not regret my decision. I went very modest in getting this done and I have always been self conscious about not having my eyebrows filled in with my hair so dark so I feel this small procedure makes me feel much more confident. Like I mentioned, the shape of my brows has taken me years to “perfect” to my liking and I have hair everywhere I fill my brows, it just isn’t the color I wished it was.

(Post-proceedure photo)

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Anyways, the downfall was I had an allergic reaction to the numbing agent that was injected into the nerve and my face has been extremely swollen with lots of fluid in my eyes and face. My doctor had prescribed a corticosteroid for me to help with the inflammation and swelling. Anytime you introduce a steroid or any type of foreign substance into your system though you never know how you may react to that either and I have to say I have dealt with more consequences of doing so.

As I mentioned earlier, I have been collaborating some exciting moves in the direction of my fitness career lately. I was a Beast Sports Nutrition Endorsed Athlete but was unhappy with my working relationship and decided it was time for me to see what else was out there. I am excited to say I have had a couple great contract offers on the table from other supplement companies who I just happen to love. That being said, I thought I was done dieting for the year after my Oxygen Shoot in June and was being more relaxed with my nutrition while trying to reverse diet and get my metabolism to a healthier place when this all happened. So as I mentioned, now that I am collaborating a contract deal with a new company, I was asked to do some photoshoots for new content on behalf of whoever I chose to sign with at the Olympia.

I was 5 lbs up from my shoot weight when this happened, so at 4 weeks out I didn’t think this would be a big deal and could hang in there and diet one more time to make this work out. As an extremist, I never show up to a shoot, show, event, etc not feeling prepared. This is a blessing and a curse of the type of person I am. I dont like to not show up my best and represent what I know I can. So even though I had my reservations on dieting again, I started right away to get back to the condition I felt I would need at the O. The first week I noticed my head not being fully committed and I couldn’t figure out if this was due to me trying to maintain some balance in my life, or if it was my reservations eating at me with knowing I was only furthering myself from my ultimate goal of children. Either way, the changes I was making in my diet and exercise should have eluded enough change for me to be prepared at the O. The second week I wasn’t seeing the changes I wished for so I upped my cardio and cut my carbs a bit more but I also have had this voice in the back of my head this entire time that I would not go to extremes NO MATTER WHAT. Because extremes are what cause rebounds and I have been trying to avoid that at all costs. The crappy thing is I felt I was just finding a good off season/reverse diet balance with my intake and choices everyday and I knew going back into “prep mind” could throw this balance off course. For those of you who have never been through these things, this is a very hard thing to explain.

As for dieting, I was at 160 grams of carbs daily so figured bringing them down slightly would elude some changes that week. I didn’t see much in terms of scale change and that was frustrating for me. And then…. I got on these prescription meds and what do you know… I have gained a lb a day. 5 lbs up in a week and 9 lbs from my goal weight at 2.5 weeks out was not at all what I was planning for. I have been killing my workouts, cut my calories more and still gaining. Tuesday morning I woke up to a swollen face and weighed more than I had in a year. I was starving and pissed and I just lost it. Literally had a crying fest. I felt tormented inside and pulled in every direction. Long term goals versus short term benefit was eating at me, not to mention I felt the furthest I ever had from a goal in my entire fitness career. Thank god my husband is such a wonderful man and helped me threw my sob fest.

I have taken a bit of a step back to re-gather my thoughts on all of this and feel much better today. I have hit up the sauna, continued working towards my goals, and decided that regardless of shooting at the O I needed to stay positive and know that everything happens for a reason. Like I mentioned, I am tormented mentally each and every day. The life I live is a blessing but it is very hard to be pulled in two different directions and not have your career choices in line with your long term plans for a family. Dieting becomes much harder when you feel you have something else to live for outside of your old selfish extremist ways. But I have recognized that even that is a blessing. My life is everything I have ever wanted it to be. A wonderful husband, a thriving career, a warm home. I have the “simple” things that will forever be more fulfilling than my abs and I thank god for those simple things everyday.

Today I am two weeks out from the O and am happy to say I can finally see my abs again and my weight has come back down to 131lbs. That is still 6 lbs from my goal weight and what I would feel comfortable shooting at and still almost 3 lbs up from where I started. But its coming down slowly. I honestly have not posted many to any progress photos as I have been so disturbed at the amount of water my body was carrying and the way I changed shape so quickly regardless of all my extra efforts. But now all I can do is hang in there for two more weeks and see what happens. And although I hold some resentment towards this lifestyle and its affects on me personally, I will continue to enjoy the ride as long as I can (selfies and all).

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43 thoughts on “STRUGGLES AND MY PERSONAL LIFE”

  1. Your honesty is so refreshing, we all have so much to be thankful for but as we all have the monumental flaw of being human, we are always striving or just hoping for more. I am pregnant with my second baby and although I’m knocked-out happy about this and so happy with my baby’s daddy, I’m missing the diet and lifestyle I had before! It was hard work but I’m just not prepared to carry on with it throughout my pregnancy yet I’m plagued with worry about whether my body will ‘recover’ in the same way as with my first baby (just over 2 years ago) . I know I have everything I want but I understand what you’ve written about in this blog. I wish you all the good fortune possible in whatever you decide. I’ll keep reading your posts on Instagram and your blog as I get bigger and save it for inspiration for when I can hit the gym hard again! Laura x

  2. Thanks for sharing Amber! I admire your honesty. Although I have never competed and barely have abs from one mom to a future mom those children are so worth it!!! Way to not give up or go to extremes anymore…things always work out! Best of luck in all you do!!

  3. I can’t tell you how nice it is to read about the real struggles you face. People will tell you to think of the things other people are going through, your struggles aren’t as bad, blah blah blah. The truth is, everyone has struggles, and while yours aren’t as bad as someone who is dealing with a life threatening illness for example, it doesn’t make them any less real or any less devastating to you personally. I’m dieting down for my first show right now, just barely starting to break into this industry, and have been working as a personal trainer for about a year. What I can truly say is that reading your posts and seeig your progress pics, etc, keeps me not only motivated, but with a clear mind and awareness of what I need to look out for. You and I are cut from the same mold it would seem, I’m a perfectionist and it would be SO easy for me to go too far and push my body more than I really need to. Thank you for being the driving force that really pushes me to keep moving forward, but also keeps me pulling back on the reigns and allowing me to be happy with taking more time in this first prep than I originally wanted to. My body will thank me later for it.

    1. Yes! I am so happy to hear this. I wish so badly I had someone saying those words to me when I began my career and it makes me so happy to hear I can help in some way! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It means a lot and I appreciate everything you have written. Thank you and good luck to your career and staying balanced!

  4. I just have to say you inspire me everyday. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Just because you are fortunate does not mean you cannot have everyday problems! Anyone who says otherwise is unrealistic and lying to themselves. No matter how perfect someone’s life may seem, it is impossible to sustain such things. As you said there will always be someone who is less fortunate than you, sadly this goes for each and every one of us. Not that you need to hear any of this from me, but I just wanted you to know for every person criticizing you there are those who are inspired by your honesty and realness. I hope you can again find balance between your career goals and your life goals. Please don’t stop sharing your story. You help so many people realize that your career requires many sacrifices, and it is not all ‘glamorous’. This helps those aspiring to a fit lifestyle realize that a balance between fitness and real life is so very important.

  5. My sympathies are with you, I have had some similarities to the things you are going through (without the fitness model part.)
    My fiancé and I recently found out that we will not be able to have children unless we get a sperm donor. My sweetie had a vasectomy 15 years ago and apparently after 8 years the brain tells the testes to stop producing sperm. Betcha didn’t know that! So any child we have will be ours, but only mine biologically. That was a strange bridge to cross, and we love each other more than ever, however my perspective on children has changed since I found that out. I have decided to focus on my career for now and we are ok with waiting, possibly not having kids of our own (adoption is on the table now.)
    You know you are such an inspiration to so many women not only for your body but for your honesty and forthrightness. I don’t know how easy or difficult it will be for you and your hubby to conceive but you are both very young and some people wait until their forties to have kids now! I am 36 and not yet feeling the timeclock, hopefully you aren’t either! I know you love your man and want to give him a child but perhaps what you are birthing right now is the dawn of possibility and courage in women like me who look to you and think, she’s real, she has her struggles, but she made it! I can make it too!! Thank you for being you and for helping me to find inspiration…every day

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that. I can only imagine how hard that must have been and that is one of my fears as well. Unfortunately it isn’t just my side, but my husbands too as he has his own hormonal issues and is approaching 35. So we are just not a good combination for babies it seems. I am hoping for the best though! Appreciate you taking the time to share this with me! 😉

  6. Thank you for granting this privilege into your heart and mind. All I want to do is hug you.
    From, a woman with a whole different set of personal struggles <3

  7. I love reading your blog and following your career. You have been a true inspiration to me and to see that even though you appear to “have it all” there is reality and a struggle that on some level we can relate to. I am currently pregnant with my 4th child. Everytime I get my diet right and my exercise regime perfect for me and I start to see my abs (that I’ve never seen Truely cut) , I get pregnant again! My body becomes so inline that my fertility jumps. I’ve had 3 babies in the past 3yrs. Plus side is everytime I get better at getting back to where I was only now I’m getting my tubes tied!

    1. Ahh well consider yourself blessed! I am just hoping for at least one, but appreciate you sharing this with me because it is very true- we all have different personal struggles. I am jealous of all your babies though! 😉

  8. You are a inspiration!!!! I am a big fan of you from Chile. Keep going cause you are the best, beautiful, honest women. I understand you so much. I been on a bad month and gained 8 lbs. And is so hard stay focus. Im going to send you all my good thoughts to you and you are going to look comfortable !!!! Thats is the only thing that matter.

  9. This is what I needed too. Last year I was still getting past my divorce. Decided to lose all my weight. Get in best shape. Do me. Then I was hit with uterine cancer. Two surgeries later, my abs have suffered and I’m scarred. Always loved my stomach! Now I get upset just looking at it. Plus the medicine I have to take causes weight gain and I can’t take hormone replacement. Completely out of whack. Struggling but I refuse to give up. I will keep working out. Training harder. So at least I can say I did all I personally could. Reading your blogs etc inspires me daily. I need it so keep going 🙂

    1. I am sorry for your struggles, but appreciate you sharing that with me here. I am happy to know I can help in some way- stories like this are what make me know its all worth it and sharing my struggles can help others too. So thank you so much!

  10. I admire your honesty and openness in such a public forum. I understand and can relate 100%. I had to gain weight to have my son, and had preeclampsia during pregnancy so was on bed rest and retaining all fluid. So much for working out and a healthy pregnancy I planned on. I was up 90 lbs when I gave birth. Talk about devistating. Well I was back to normal by the time he was a year and now he’s 2 and I am honestly in better shape then I ever was, 8 pack abs, crazy strong etc. So you can get back and enjoy life. I use iifym so no real restricting, just moderation ;). My right eyebrow is almost completely non existent due to a car accident which cut and burned that portion of my face. I have had to literally draw on eyebrows everyday for the past year to just look normal and wear hats at the gym to hide as I waited for the scar to heal enough for a tattoo :(. I am getting my tattoo tomorrow and honestly I don’t care if my face swells to the size of a balloon. Lol. For brows it’s worth it! Yours look amazing. Coming from someone that is always expected to “look” perfect as well, I understand and it can suck at times esp because people think it’s just so easy and your just lucky. It’s really narrowned my circle of friends as few people see me as a real person that’s down to earth. They look at you and think she has no problems, she’s perfect, and she’s stuck up blah blah!!!! Whatever to them all. Just live your life :). We are all a little vain at times and most people pointing fingers calling you vain are really the onesore jealous and vain than you will ever be!

    1. Thank you for sharing that! Congrats on your son as well and being able to find a happy balance with your body post-baby! That is awesome! And good luck with the tattoo! I was so scared but it turned out great haha, I hope yours do too! Thanks again for sharing your story and words!

  11. I am 27 and a Mom of a 7 year old. I Ann a former athlete and still try to maintain the healthy balance of working out and eating right. I struggle hard with following people like you guys for motivation and the reality of how impossible it is to maintain that life style own my own business and be the mom involved in everything as well as have time for yourself. Seeing your selfies everyday makes me feel mixed emotions. One of the fact is that it feels like no matter now hard I try I will never get to that point and ever just worry about if I have a 6 pack or 4 pack that day can seem just petty. But I also have respect and admiration for the dedication and work you put into that. I know that takes years of dedication and mental strength and with that I feel envious. But reading your blog today really helped me realize that everyone has issues. Finding my happy balance is all that matters. I might never have that stomach that I dream of because ive had the privilege of carrying my son and things will never be like other 20 something’s. Thanks for everything you share and putting your life out there. Your very knowledgeable and ive learned a lot!! In the end we are all human and I wish the best in finding that balance! You go girl

    1. Thank you! I appreciate you sharing this with me and I am happy to know I helped you see its not all easy or glamorous and I am envious of things you have just like you may be of my “seemingly” perfect lifestyle. I crave that normalcy you have, so embrace it! Thanks again for your support.

  12. This was a wonderful blog. I love how much of your sweet soul you expose. Just try not to be so hard on yourself, you are beautiful, talented and extremely hard working. No matter what you put your mind to you will find success. Children and a family are possible after metabolic damage. I completely through my thyroid out of wack after I dieted down extremely hard for my competitions. I had a horrible struggle with the thought of gaining body fat to be fertile and healthy, but I’m happy to say I’m currently expecting 🙂 It’s hard watching your body change, physically and emotionally draining honestly. Especially when you are KNOWN for your lifestyle. I had to take a 6 month brake from social media during that time to regain a healthy sense of self. I wish the absolute best for you. I can’t wait to watch you continue to follow your dreams and your hearts desires.

  13. I must admit. This post has changed my opinion of you (for the better). You have always made it look like a piece of cake. Always staying in the sickest shape I’ve ever seen, having gorgeous hair, gorgeous clothes, all this time to prep your food, wearing whatever you wanted and looking perfect. Taking the same abs and gym selfies everyday, I’ll admit I thought you were just self obsessed like many others…but this article really touched me. I truly see you work incredibly hard for the things you want. And its sad you don’t feel like you are “allowed” to struggle. I did one figure show (the Ironman in Washington 2011, Laurel Recek won my height division, I think you were there too, but maybe not competing) and that whole 9 months of prep was a struggle for me, I started out about 25 Lbs overweight, and feeling many of the same things you said in this article…and here I was seeing you do it as if it weren’t hard for you at all. Back to my point, you absolutely have a right to feel defeated, conflicted, etc. Just because your life is technically “good” doesn’t mean you can’t be upset. Everyone has their struggles, don’t ever suppress yours because you don’t feel like you should have any. You’re talking about choosing between a CAREER and the lifelong joy of children, that is a monumental decision! It’s not choosing what swimsuit to wear…it’s deep stuff. While it doesn’t make me happy that you are going through a hard time, I appreciate your willingness to talk about it, it make us self loathers out here know that you struggle with your image/lifestyle too at times, giving us hope that we can overcome our hurdles and trudge through our issues like you are. Thank you for sharing.

    SIDE NOTE: Who cares what “haters” say about your eyebrow tattoos…you endured a fucking tattoo on your face! That is badass…that kind of pain is reserved for gang members getting inked by their eye for capping people. So they can suck it. I’m all for shortening the beauty routine in the morning. More power to you.

  14. I have been following you for a while now, and you’re right – from the outside everything does look perfect! But now reading this and knowing you have struggles, that you are only human too, makes me admire you so much more! I believe that everything going on with the hormones will work out eventually. Keeping you and B in my thoughts. X x x

  15. Beautiful honest post! I think you are amazing and I sympathise with your struggles as I’m going through something very similar after getting to 15% bodyfat last year. I’m still trying to work on my hormones and it’s taking ages. Stay strong, you will get there! It sounds like you have amazing support! I wish you everything of the best! Love from Australia x

  16. That’s so well written & so lovely to read… No one sees or hears from behind the scenes of what it takes to actually have such a perfect physic, and what certain diets can do… Your an inspiration to many people and I really enjoy reading and seeings your posts… Good luck with your future 🙂

  17. Crying over weight, seriously? I really don’t get this. You say in one paragraph you want normalcy and a family, but you’re clearly addicted to the attention from the “fame” of sponsors, the bodybuilding industry, and everything that is wrong with a healthy lifestyle. If this torments you so bad, STEP OUT of the limelight. Unless some supplement company is paying you a six figure salary, for God’s sake who gives a rats ars about a “sponsor?” In ten years from know when you’re lying on a hospital bed trying to conceive a child on hormone therapy, trust me sister, having abs in an Instagram selfie or how hot you looked at the “O” are going to be the last things on your mind. Don’t compliain about self induced disordered eating and obsession over your body if you’re going to keep surrounding yourself with stuff that promotes behaviors that lead to pressures to be “perfect” if it’s a normal family life you really seek. Don’t pretend to be “raw” about the pressures to maintain a certain physique when most of them are crafted in your own mind from spending way too much time worrying about how many people “follow” you. Stop posting photos of your half bare ass, obsessing every single day over your abs – do you want to have a daughter someday seeing a mom so concerned with her own body image??? Some of the “healthiest” people on the planet are the ones with the most disordered behaviors when it comes to “wellness.” Please in the name of your unborn child don’t think it really matters who sponsors you or how you looked in your sports bra at a booth at the O. So, so doesn’t matter. Insignificant.

    1. You clearly have some issues of your own to come and write such negativity on a post that I was very vulnerable in. I just read almost 20 comments from other women explaining how this post has helped them in some way. Finding balance, realizing that what is seemingly perfect is never perfect, realizing that everyone struggles. I put myself out there in the hopes of helping others. I don’t have to do this, nobody asked me to. But then there are people like you who just ruin the world. You are the type of person who brings people down and discourages those trying to do something positive. You don’t get what? The fact that this is my career? This is how I make a living? And I am torn because it has caused some issues that I am trying to hedge my risk of in the future? This is not just a sponsor, this is a ENDORSEMENT DEAL. Yes it is paid, and yes it is a significant amount of money, exposure, networking, and doors opening for me. So yes it is important when it comes to my career. But that is besides the point. And you say I have self induced sidordered eating? That is just sickening that you would post that on a blog post such as this. Where other women can publicly read it. Do you realize how many people in this industry struggle with disordered eating and how many times I have preached balance and a healthier way of life? Probably not because you are an ignorant, sad, disgrace of a person. People like you make me sad, go look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are so miserable you need to make a positive thing negative. And stop following me if what I do bothers you. Because for the other hundreds of people I heard from today that have told me how much this post helped them, I won’t let YOU bring me down with you.

    2. You shouldn’t worry what “Concerned” says. The mean things they say are just a direct reflection how they feel about themselves. Jealousy is a cancer, and guess what “concerned,” it’s self induced too, and eating away at your insides…I hope you find happiness of your own and stop attacking people who are putting them selves out there to help others and receive support.

  18. I find you truly amazing. I really enjoyed reading this post. I never really thought about you actually having struggles because everything always seems perfect for you. I guess we all go through struggles in different ways. I struggle because I can’t exercise to lose weight or tone up because of my paralysis and having no muscle tone. I have a husband who loves me the way I am but I get depressed because I haven’t been able to lose the weight after having a child. I look at you and see perfect up not realizing what you have to do every day to achieve what you have. You are a beautiful woman and I really enjoy your blogs and reading your stories!!

  19. It’s really refreshing to hear and read this. I hate that you have struggles but I also struggle with hormone imbalance and getting upset/ frustrated when I have as little as a .5 weight gain. I’m up about 6 lbs from my comfortable weight and just can’t get it off! But no other choice than to keep working at it! Thank you for being real, sharing your story and being inspiring.

  20. I really appreciate this. I was an idiot in college, and those years of 800-1000 calories and 1.5 hours of cardio really effed me over. My husband and I have been trying for almost a year now. Praying we’re blessed soon!

  21. Amber, I’m sorry you are going through this. And even though I am in a completely opposite situation than you, somehow I feel I can totally relate. I have already had my children, which is a blessing indeed. However, my passion and motivation to get in the best shape of my life and see my abs are totally consuming at times. I work full time- very busy thriving career, have 2 young children, my husband, and workout everyday hardcore. Meal prep takes lots if time. I feel torn over taking my children to bday parties where hot fresh pizza and cupcakes are present, where I do not indulge so I can stick to my plan (meanwhile dream of them cupcakes in my mouth!). I want to teach my kids healthy eating & but do not want them to think their mom was always obsessed with her physical fitness. Kids don’t care if you have abs. But they do care if you are happy & spending time with them. I worry about the self image I may portray to them . But I see an image of your abs or bootay and feel like I gotta get there. Ugh, life is tough sometimes and seems impossible. You are very determined so I believe that once you make up your mind 100% that you are ready to have kids, you will do it. Yes, that may mean you take a step back career wise and lose sight of your abs. BUT, you have tons of gorgeous pictures to look at to see those abs and you will get them back one day. Just know that. It would be a temporary sacrifice. Think if the endorsements you could have after you have a kid and bounce back into shape (if you chose to do so). Not to mention the other avenues you could venture down in the fitness industry. The possibilities are endless with your talent, don’t lose sight if that. I hope you go after your dreams of motherhood 100%. Wishing you the best!

  22. Very well said Amber! Everyone has their own personal struggles, and for someone to belittle you or try to make you think “your” struggles are insignificant is a terrible thing. I agree with everyone who is praising you for your brutal honesty, I think this is why so many people can relate to you so easily . You keep it real, and that’s awesome!

  23. Thank you so much for opening up and telling us about some of your struggles. Sometimes it helps to know that you arent the only one having a tough time! Sending positivity and good vibes your way ☺ wishing you the best!!

  24. Hi Amber,
    I have been following your blog for a few months now and I think I have to say it’s the recipes I enjoy trying the most! (I just scarfed down your PB chocolate and cinnamon crepes-delish!) Anyway, I just started competing this year, I competed in May and June (placed 3rd and 4th respectively) but I have started and I tell you there is no turning back. I thought “Oh, I’ll just do one show, scratch it off my bucket list”… well ya right! Everyone said I would get hooked and I sure did. The lifestyle is a huge struggle. Like you, I am constantly weighing in, checking labels, NOTHING can go in my mouth if I haven’t counted the macros. It’s torture. So I feel your struggles. And I can imaging it must be so much harder for you being in the industry you have so much more pressure to do it. For me, it’s just a fun hobby. And I’ve already had my kids (2 boys eek!) So I just want to say, it is extremely refreshing that even though your pictures always look amazing, you have a beautiful smile, wonderful supportive husband behind you, deep down your are just like us. Struggling to find balance in a world driven by such high pressures. Thank you for that and good luck in the Olympia!

  25. I can feel your pain through your written words. If you want a family you will have one. You can see how dedicated you are with your career. It’s when you decide to switch hits focus, it will happen. I obviously don’t know what you have done or tried but you will one day. Right now you are doing what you love (resentment and all). I love being a mom. The best gift ever. But I get resentful with motherhood too. I think it’s okay to feel this way….we are human. You are an inspiration to all of us but we know you are human. Thank you for sharing!

  26. I in addition to my guys were actually studying the nice points found on your website and before long got a horrible suspicion I never expressed respect to the website owner for those tips. My boys are actually absolutely happy to learn them and already have honestly been taking pleasure in those things. Appreciate your genuinely indeed kind and also for opting for such excellent ideas most people are really desirous to learn about. My personal honest apologies for not expressing appreciation to sooner.

  27. Have you considered only training clients instead of competing/modeling? That way you can have the best of both worlds and still be able to get pregnant? Extreme dieting and imbalanced hormones can cause irreversible damage to your body making it to where you can never have a baby. Without enough body fat your body will not be able to keep a baby alive either. I personally know someone who was in your shoes and she competed for 10 years and has had over 10 miscarriages leaving her with no choice but to adopt. You could easily change your career and open your own private training facility or train clients in their homes? Just a though because it seems what you really want and what will really make you happy is to have children and if you keep your current life style that might not be a option for you.

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